Knowledge is Power
by TempestNightlock
Summary: Ciel witnesses a very intimate moment when he accidentally opens a door in hosts home during a ball. Ciel and Sebastian come to an agreement during the ride back to the manor, because Ciel wants to know as much as he can, but soon the questions need examples, and example become more extreme.


Knowledge is Power

I slam the door shut as I realize what I am actually seeing. My breath comes in hot, and I can feel my face heat.

I take a step back, unsure as to what I am supposed to do, and too shocked to really think.

"Oh, there you are Young Master. Are you ready to go? Many of the other guests have already gone."

I tense, having jumped when I heard Sebastian address me, and angry with myself for being shaken.

I clear my throat and round up what is left of my confidence, finding a sensible equilibrium. I turn. "Yes, I have no more reason to stay here."

The carriage shakes evenly under us as we make our way back to the manor, but it's a very long distance and we will not be arriving for a few hours yet.

I stare out the window as the meadow takes over the previous sight of the city. Images of earlier pass through my thoughts without permission, forcing themselves to my alert conscience.

Images of that woman knotted around Count Pike, their skin flushed and exposed. She had her head thrown back, his lips plainly sucking on the skin their, a scatter plot of marks already visible.

My body tenses, trying not to respond to the images that are violating my mind, unwilling to let Sebastian know that I have been moved in any way, positive or negative.

You're weak Ciel, why is this all such a surprise? I try to steady myself once more, refusing to look away from the window.

The ride seems endless, and far rougher than usual. Why am I responding this way?

I can feel Sebastian's eyes on me, and with my composure this shattered it makes me want to squirm. My hands clutch around my cane. I straighten, still refusing to look away from the meadow passing by.

"Are you quite alright Young Master?" Sebastian asks in a low tone.

I don't feel alright. Maybe I'm sick? I feel warm and disoriented, tired from staying out late, but somehow energized.

"I'm fine. How much longer is this going to take?" I'm relieved to find that I sound normal, still confident and put together.

Maybe whatever it was that hit me has passed? I still feel uneasy, but fine enough. I look to Sebastian and find it to be a horrible mistake. The look in his eyes blazes in the same way the man's hand, and the image resurfaces anew.

The man's hands knotted into the length of the woman's blond hair, pulling it back as she moans. The Count's hands grasping her legs as he holds her against him.

I swallow, my eyes snapping back to the window to escape. A shiver passes through me, but I manage to suppress it.

I hear Sebastian shift, which is something he doesn't do often. Damn it! He must have caught on when I looked away!

"Over two hours still, Sir," Sebastian answers formally, but I hear a tone behind his words, his curiosity as to if I'm showing weakness.

I hear him moving again and I jolt back into my seat when skin touches my forehead. "You're warm, Sir. Are you sure you're feeling well?"

I try to calm myself for what feels like the hundredth time today. Sebastian is so close...

"I'm just tired," I lie.

"Tired?" Sebastian inquires, settling himself back into his seat, pulling his glove back on.

"Yes, it has been a stressful day."

"In what way?"

That door... "I'm not in the mood to talk Sebastian, can you keep quiet?"

My nails dig into the bottom of my bench, though, I don't remember putting them there.

"As you wish Young Master." And everything is quiet... and I don't like it. It's eerie, and my mind goes through the images once more.

I can't suppress this shiver, and after it passes through me I'm almost glad I didn't, because it felt almost... good.

"Sebastian, is there any chance that you happen to know what I saw and you're just acting this way because you think I'm over reacting?"

"Over-reacting about what Sir?"

The door... That room. "Nothing..." I return my focus to the window.

Why were they smiling so much? I wonder as the image flashes back into my brain. How is it possible to keep her held up like that for such a long while?

The image spends a little longer in my conscience as I contemplate it, finding that it no longer makes me uneasy but curious.

They were sweating a lot, is it that taxing of an experience? What are those marks on her neck? Are they from the sucking? Why would she let him do that? Does it hurt? The questions pile up in my head, but who do I ask?

My eyes fall on Sebastian. No, he'd... He'd what? I'm too young to know most of this anyway. I only know what I do because of basic anatomy, Shakespeare, and Lau's inappropriate comments.

"Sebastian?" I wonder.

"Yes, Young Master?"

"Um... " Damn it! This is embarrassing! "There's something I need to discuss, but I don't want any judgements to be made because of it. Can we set the world aside for a moment and just talk like equals?"

I never thought that I would be asking for him to treat me like an equal, but this is different. It's so personal. I need him to not look down on me for the things that I do not know, and I will return the equality until I have learned what I need to.

Sebastian looks honestly shocked, which is one of the few emotions I have seen sincerely on his face.

"What did you see that has brought this on?" Sebastian asks, red eyes wide.

"Can you just promise me that? Only for the rest of this ride?"

"I do not see why not, and now I am far too curious; I can't say no. Equals then?" He puts out a gloved hand, and I shake it, relieved that I really can talk about this with somebody.

"Thank you, um... I may have walked into the Count Roman Pike and..." Who was the woman?

"Oh, I see. That's why you looked so... Is that all?"

"That's all I really saw, but that's not the reason I'm talking to you like this." Damn it! Why is this such a big deal? Why can't I shake it off? This isn't like me.

"Then what is it that you want to discuss?"

"Well... I have a lot of related questions, and you're the only one I could think about talking about something like this with..."

"Alright, fair enough. What do you want to know?"

I sigh, decently at ease with talking in this way. It takes quite a bit of the pressure off.

"Well, there were marks on her neck."

"You're going to need to be more specific than that."

"They weren't from punctures. I think they were from sucking..."

"Oh, hickey's. What about them?"

"Just... why?" What reason could a girl have to let a man mark her in such a way? Where others could so easily see?

"Um... because they feel... I don't know how to explain properly."

My eyebrows knit together. I want to know. "Isn't there any way you can?"

"I could show you, but… I thought that crossed a line."

Crossed a line?! Of course it does! I'm about to tell him just how crossed the line that is… but then I remember the agreement we came to. The one about equality, so I think it through. What right do I have to be closed-minded and superior about this? What will it hurt? This is just between us after all, separate from everything else.

"Well, if it doesn't hurt, I don't see why it would."

Sebastian's face returns to surprise. "You're sure?"

I blink in contemplation. "I said so, didn't I? How do we go about it?" I'm not sure about letting him… but if it's for informative purposes: knowledge is power.

He holds out his hands. "Sit on my lap."

"Do I have to?" I have to fight my face from screwing itself up in disgust.

He sighs. "If you want me to show you, you have to be close enough for me to. Trust me, I am not getting any sort of amusement from this."

"Fine." I take his hands and allow him to rest me on him, my knees off the side of his. I take a deep breath and let it out, bracing myself.

"It's not going to hurt, I swear." I can almost hear a smile in his voice.

"Fine." I sigh, trying to relax. I feel his breath on my neck, than an ever so gentle touch from his lips. Another shiver runs through me, and this time the only thing I have to grab a hold of is Sebastian. I let my arm fall behind him along the back of the bench, which in turn gives him a better reach.

Sebastian gently takes some of the skin from my neck and begins to suck. At first it tingles a little bit, but then I can feel the sensation.

It feels so… I squirm, unable to help myself. Sebastian touches my side, the one furthest from him, to pull me closer, almost against him.

He sucks a little harder, and my eyes shut without my permission. I exorb the feeling, and I can feel something deep within me respond, wanting to be known.

"There." Sebastian breaks away, making my eyes snap open and reality slip back. "That should be low enough to hide too."

I remove my arm from around his neck to place a hand over the spot on my neck, where the sensation has returned to simple tingles.

"Do you have any further questions?" Sebastian asks, but the words seem to hold a secret meaning.

"Yes, many more." I answer thinking to all the others that had circled around my head.

"If you don't mind my asking, how much do you know?" Sebastian wonders. Again, I have to remind myself that this is between us as males of our own species, and not between Master and servant.

I breathe wondering if it's okay to stay where I'm at, or if it's looked down upon - in which I'd have to return to my cold, hard bench. "Less than I thought I did."

"Well, you are still young. Others your age aren't going to learn these things for a while. Two or three years for the unlucky, and four to six for the fortunate."

But… knowledge is power… "Maybe so, but I am not really the patient type."

Sebastian smirks at my comment. "I suppose you're not, at least not when it counts." There's a secret meaning behind his words again, the tone of it brings back the images.

I squirm, but Sebastian holds me still after I begin, and I quickly know why when I feel a pressure against the back of the thighs. Just the thought alone is enough to make me go still.

Should I get up? Why? It'll be impossible to gain any of our previous opinions toward the other until the horses stop and we return to ourselves, until then I'm going to learn all that I'm learning and all that I am willing to.

"What on earth is going on in your head?" Sebastian asks, looking my face over with his sharp red eyes.

"I'm not quite sure," I admit, still dazed and thinking.

"Have you settled on another question?"

"Um… yes, but not one of my original ones." Am I just going to pretend as if he's not enjoying this? Even with the proof right under me? "When I asked about…" I cover the place on my neck more firmly. "You needed me to specify. What other marks could they have been?"

I see almost a shadow of amusement crosses his face, but I don't become angry because I know that it's about the subject itself and not my asking it.

"There are so many. They could have been from biting, binding, cutting, or burning… to name a few."

Wait… I thought this was sex related stuff. Burning and cutting? Those just sound violent, can they even be categorized with this topic? And binding? What does that mean?Damn Demon, making things confusing, but I have no way of really telling if this is just his own interpretation, or if it's for real.

"You lost me," I state.

"Did I? Where?"

"Um… why did you add cutting and burning to that?"

"Oh, I see your confusion. It's usually looked down on, but nowadays there are people who honestly enjoy being burned or cut. Some to even the extent of being beaten or whipped. I suppose it turns them on."

"You suppose? Does that mean you do not know?"

"Well, I'm not affected in that way, but I have been with women who were."

"Alright..." I suppose that that isn't all that difficult to comprehend. I try to imagine it, enjoying something like that, but the memory of that day frightens me off from the idea. "And binding?"

"Being restrained works the same way, and don't think this is general. Its unpracticed by most who don't see a reason, and followers of the Catholic church, I only take these as common because I'm a demon, and I happen to have been quickly exposed to these things, so I was soon well-practiced."

"Would you like to define well?"

"I would not."

I'm about to order it, but then I find that an act such as that could be considered childish and against our agreement. Instead, I respond, "Restrain in what way?"

"There's far too many to list. Do you want an example?"

"Are you going to explain in the same way you explained the last one?" I question, trying to place where my line is now. Too far from where it used to be to find it, but I'll have to find it so I can drag it back to where it was before once I've stepped out of this carriage.

"If you'd like, it is easier that way."

"Fine," I say after a moment of contemplation. What can this hurt?

"You can get off me if you'd like," offers Sebastian as he undoes his tie.

I slowly move off, trying to avoid any motion that could cause any sort of reaction. My bench is cold now.

"Hold out your hands."

I raise an eyebrow at him. He seems to get my meaning. "Can you hold out your hands?" he corrects. I do, ever so hesitant. The thin black fabric is laced under my wrists, then over and tied tightly so that I can barely pull. I give it a test pull anyway, the fabric straining against my skin without any give.

While my hands are helpless Sebastian removes the thinner piece of blue around my neck. I don't protest, because I am unaware at how this is supposed to be done, and he has helped me dress for the past two years.

He moves to the carriage floor and takes one of my ankles in his hand. I watch as he ties it to the metal leg of the bench, and then fashions my other ankle around other one further, making me have to move my legs further apart.

"What's this supposed to do again?" I wonder, testing my restraints quizzically.

Sebastian smiles slightly but darkly, and I feel it. I feel vulnerable. There's so little I can do if someone decided to do anything to me. Like when… Like two years ago.

Sebastian sees my panic and goes to undo my ankles. "Don't worry, I have no reason to hurt you."

I sigh. "I know." I re-steady myself. he stops untying when he reaches my hands, looking at me with confusion.

We meet eyes, his eyes are red and questioning, mine blue and alert. I open my mouth to explain, but then there's a bump that makes the tire jolt and the cabin sway, and without notice I'm locking lips with Sebastian.

I pull back almost immediately - my face scorching, but not before I feel his lips warm against mine. I don't know how to react. At first it's a wave of anger due to the surprise, it isn't his fault though.

I could be angry with him for not being his usual self and predicting and fixing things before they happen, having not moved back before what happened happened, but I still don't know how that works. Then I'm sad because it was my first kiss, and it was with Sebastian!

My lips tingle in response. I raise my still bond hands to touch my bottom lip. That wasn't to bad, I think. Would it be like that if it happened again?

"Do you think they hit something?" Sebastian wonders. Is he avoiding talking about this on purpose?

"It was probably just a rock or hole," I grumble, not enjoying the thought of stopping to see what it was. There's no point in interrupting. Interrupting what? What is this?

I look at Sebastian to see if he knows how to answer that question, when suddenly his lips are back on mine, but there was no bump or swayin. They return on their own accord.

I don't move for a second, unsure as to what I'm supposed to do, but I innately know to lean forward and let him into my mouth, and Sebastian teaches me the rest.

My mark tingles on my neck, and the part of me that as been nudging to surface is finally permitted to rise. I let Sebastian push me back into my seat, my back hitting the hardwood.

How has it come to this? The question floats for a minute, but then it sinks as I ignore it, because I don't care. I don't care why I'm doing this. I don't care how I ended up here - Sebastian almost completely on top of me, his tongue deep in my mouth.

It's all so foreign, but it fills me with an odd sensation, and I like it. I like the way it feels, the way he feels against me, the way our lips move, the pressure that has returned, now pressing to the inside of my thigh.

Sebastian grasps my useless wrists, breaking away from me. The heat drops a few degrees, so I am allowed a moment to think.

Should I really be doing this? Will I regret this - not telling Sebastian no before I'm unable to set our lines back where they were? This is supposed to be separate from the world, like a lapse in time, but if that's even possible, would this ruin it?

My hands are lifted above my head, and left restrained there, the fabric twined around a nail. I glance up to investigate, but Sebastian finds my neck and bites. When I feel his teeth I brace myself for pain, but then I feel foolish because their is no pain, at least not a type I am used to; he bites no were near hard enough for real pain, and he's not trying to.

My eyes close to take it in. It sends a course of feeling through me, hot and wild. A sound escapes me, a sound that doesn't sound as if it could have came from me.

"I certainly see why you listed biting," I breathily proclaim. My breath is coming out, but it seems to be harder on my lungs, and doesn't want to leave my throat. I take in a cool breath before my mouth is claimed again.

I always thought that kissing would be smothering, just having someone that far into your personal space would be uncomfortable, but it's not, and if it is, I haven't noticed.

I feel so different. I feel like all my pores have come alive, like all my nerves are ultra sensitive, like the world is pooling into me. I haven't felt like this for a long while. I feel capable and significant, alive.

Then the carriage stops, and my heart sinks. Finney throws open the door, a wide smile spread across his face, beaming at us. "Welcome home!.." His face freezes.

I can imagine what Finney is seeing, but I do not know what is going on in his head. The shock is clear, but the rest of his reaction is not. I'm stunned in my seat as Sebastian moves away, completely unaffected by the company.

"The ride is over Young Master," announces Sebastian, returning to his old self, cold and distant, as if nothing had happened.

Author Note: Don't worry, that's not the end of that.


End file.
